I Can Do Better All By Myself Read online

“Oh my God. Oh my God,” Paige cried. Then all of a sudden it was as if she had been having a bad nightmare and woke up back to reality. “Where’s Tamarra? Where’s Tamarra? Where’s my friend who lives here?” she badgered the officer.

  “I’m right here, honey. I’m right here,” Tamarra assured her as she put herself within Paige’s view. “Unlock the car, Paige. Please.”

  Paige fumbled to unlock the doors. Finally, Tamarra heard the clicking of the locks; the sound she’d been longing to hear for the past twenty minutes.

  Immediately, Tamarra bent down and threw her arms around Paige’s trembling body. “It’s going to be okay. I’m here. The police are here. We’re going to take care of you.”

  “The police?” Paige questioned.

  “Yeah, remember? The nice officer here has been talking to you.” Tamarra released Paige and moved to the side so that Paige could get a view of the officer who had been so helpful.

  “Nooo! Get away from me! Get away from me! Get him out of here!” Paige began to kick, scream, and holler. “It’s him! It’s him. He’s the one,” Paige cried. “I was naked. I just wanted to cover up. I just wanted to cover up.”

  Tamarra stood and stared at the officer in shock. Was he the one who’d attacked Paige? Had a neighbor really called the police, or had he just been lurking around?

  Noticing the look Tamarra was giving him, the officer felt the need to clear things up. “I ... I’m just here to help. I even have backup on the way.”

  The officer looked innocent enough. He looked like a good cop, but then again, what did a bad cop look like? Turning her attention back to Paige, Tamarra asked her friend, “Are you saying a cop did this to you, Paige?”

  “No,” Paige shook her head. “When I was arrested... it was him.” Paige pointed an accusing finger at the officer. “He drug me out of the house naked for the entire world to see.”

  Just then a light bulb went off in both the officer’s and Tamarra’s head.

  “Mrs. Dickenson?” the officer asked. He then looked at Tamarra. “Is this Mrs. Blake Dickenson?” Paige’s face was lightweight deformed, and her hair was down versus the ponytail that she usually wore.

  “Yes,” Tamarra replied, “and you must be the overzealous rookie cop that arrested Paige a couple months ago.”

  “For that assault charge against her husband’s sister or something like that,” the officer confirmed to Tamarra, then looked at Paige. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Dickenson. Trust me, when my superior suspended me for a week with no pay, I didn’t complain. I deserved it. I was new to all this. I’m still new, but for the last month I’ve had sensitivity training. Really, I’m sorry.” The officer couldn’t seem to apologize enough, but Paige wasn’t having it.

  “No, get him away from me,” she told Tamarra. “Get him away from me!”

  Just then, more flashing lights appeared, and within seconds, a female officer got out of the passenger side of a second cop car. The driver, another male officer, got out of the car and walked midway to Paige’s vehicle. The male officer who’d already been on the scene met the driver of the second cop car while the female officer made her way over to Paige.

  “Hi, I’m Officer Moten,” the woman smiled.

  “I’m Tamarra,” Tamarra greeted her, “and this is my best friend Paige.”

  Paige still sat in the car crying.

  Tamarra moved out of the way so that the officer could talk to Paige.

  “Hi, Paige.” The officer leaned down into the car. “My partner tells me that someone hurt you. Is that true?”

  “Yes,” Paige said.

  “That someone raped you?” The officer got more specific.

  “Yes,” Paige confirmed.

  “We’d like to help you, Paige. We’d also like to get the person who did this to you as well. Do you know who did this to you, Paige?”

  Paige’s eyes closed, but that didn’t keep the tears from spilling out. Her shoulders began to heave as she nodded to the officer, and then followed it up with a, “Yes. I know the person who did this to me.”

  “So it was just one person?” the officer asked.

  “Yes,” Paige sniffed.

  “Paige, can you tell me who this person was?”

  Taking a deep breath in an attempt to control her breathing, Paige opened her eyes and said, “Yes. I can tell you who did this to me.”

  “Good,” the officer said, taking out a notepad and a pen. “What is the name of the person who raped you, Paige?”

  “Blake Dickenson,” Paige answered as the officer began to write. “My husband, Blake Dickenson; he’s the one who raped me.”

  Chapter Two

  “Why are you always the one who’s gotta take that girl to her doctor’s appointments?” Eleanor asked Lorain as the two finished up breakfast at Family Café. “Can’t her baby’s daddy take her? After all, it’s his baby she’s toting around.” Eleanor then mumbled under her breath before taking in a spoonful of grits with cheese, “Like she needs another child to be toting around. She needs another baby like she needs a hole in her head. Matter of fact, somebody should have put a hole in her head for getting knocked up with no husband ... again.” Eleanor chewed and swallowed before concluding with, “What’s this, baby number six?”

  Lorain rolled her eyes in her head. “No, Mom. This is only going to be Unique’s fourth baby. And I take her to her appointments because she’s my friend. I’ve told you before she’s like a daughter to me.”

  “Well, you’re more than just like a daughter to me. You are my daughter, which means if you’re supposed to meet me somewhere, I don’t want to hear nothing about you being late because you had to take Octomom to the doctors.”

  “Mother, now that’s enough,” Lorain said, trying her best to hold in her laughter.

  “Well, you know it’s the truth.” Eleanor shook her head. “I just don’t see how or why that girl ended up pregnant again.” She thought for a moment. “Well, I know how... but you know what I mean.”

  “Yes, Mom, I know what you mean. And that’s none of our business.”

  “It is too our business, especially when it’s our tax dollars that’s gotta pay for it.” Eleanor leaned in closer and now decided to whisper. “Or even our tithes and offerings. Because you know that girl ain’t gonna be able to take care of that baby with no husband. She gonna be running to Pastor every month for help. Heck, forget about a Benevolent Fund. Pastor might as well start a Child Support Fund, because that’s what we’re about to do—pay that girl’s child support every month.”

  “Mom, she is our sister in Christ. Are we not our sister’s and brother’s keeper?” Lorain shook her head with disappointment. She was disappointed in the way her mother was acting regarding Unique, but she understood why. Eleanor was exhibiting something that she’d once accused Lorain of being, which was good old-fashioned jealousy.

  For the past three months, Lorain had been spending a great amount of time with Unique. That meant less time she had to spend with her mother. For the first couple months after Broady’s death, Lorain had been pretty much glued to her mother’s hip. She had to be there to support her; not just because her mother had lost a husband, but because after the fact, while still mourning, her mother learned that Broady had been Lorain’s childhood sex abuser.

  At first, that load being piled on top of Eleanor seemed like almost too much for the then fragile older woman to bear. But thank God Eleanor knew Jesus and had the support of her daughter, who also knows Jesus. Because without Him, she never would have made it through. Lorain was there to praise God and pray to God with and for her mother. She was there to intercede in a mighty way. When all was said and done, the devastation seemed to bring the mother and daughter closer. But now, in Eleanor’s eyes, it appeared as though that fresh bond was being threatened by Unique. Eleanor wasn’t having it. But even though Eleanor knew Jesus, right about now, she wasn’t acting like it.

  “Young lady, are you questioning my Christianity?” Eleanor snappe
d after feeling convicted. “I know we are supposed to love our neighbors. I know I’m supposed to take care of the poor. I know as a Christian I’m supposed to be concerned about that girl. But what I’m not supposed to be is that girl’s baby daddy, and neither are you. That baby she’s carrying ain’t none of yours; yet you’re running around here like you the daddy. Making late-night runs to get her pickles and ice cream. Taking her to the doctors. Watching her kids for her while she gets some rest. And I don’t even know why she’s so tired. It ain’t like she’s working anymore. Didn’t she lose her job working for Sister Tamarra? And you’re going to lose your job as well, going in late to work all the time so that you can take her to the doctors.”

  “Yes, Mom, she lost her job, but not because she was lazy or anything. It’s because she was going through some things. She’d just found out she was pregnant. Not to mention her finding out about some other things as well.” Lorain took a bite of her sandwich, silently praying that her mother wouldn’t ask her about the “other things.” Lorain hated that she was keeping the fact that she was Unique’s biological mother from Eleanor. It was enough that Eleanor had learned that the man she was married to had molested her daughter as a child. Lorain felt her mother would have lost her mind had her mother realized that she’d given birth to a daughter as a result of the rapes. Not only that, but that Unique was, in fact, that daughter—that Unique was the offspring of Eleanor’s daughter and Eleanor’s deceased husband. It was way too much information. Eleanor had been on the verge of suicide once before. Lorain feared knowing all of this might push her mother completely over the edge.

  Although Lorain sometimes felt convicted, she also felt justified. Sometimes even God deals with His children on a need to know basis only. God is known for dishing out what a person needs to know, at the appointed time in which they need to know it. Imagine what might happen if God gave a person too much information, too soon. Heck, some folks wouldn’t be able to handle it. That’s why the Word says that God will put on His children no more than they can bear. Well, Lorain wasn’t going to put on her mother more than she could bear. She was going to spoon-feed her, dishing it out one scoop at a time.

  As a matter of fact, that’s why Lorain had invited her mother out to breakfast in the first place. She felt with Unique well into her second trimester that it was time to let her mother in on some things. Not everything, just some things. One spoonful at a time.

  Lorain was nervous going into this. After hearing the way her mother was ranting on about Unique, she became even more nervous. She pushed away her plate that had the remains of her BLT and home fries on it, and then swallowed. Eleanor followed suit by pushing her empty bowl of grits off to the side. Lorain watched as her mother leaned back and sighed while she rubbed her stomach, indicating she was full.

  Lorain observed her mother and couldn’t help but hope that Eleanor still had room left, but not for the toast that sat in front of her oozing with apple jelly. Oh, no, what Lorain was about to serve up was anything but sweet. It was going to be a bitter pill for Eleanor to swallow indeed.

  Chapter Three

  “Dear Lord, thank you for this food that we are about to receive to nourish our bodies. Allow it to give us strength and energy to make it through the day. We ask you to bless it, Lord. Bless the hands that prepared it. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.”

  After saying the prayer, Pastor’s eyes opened to a smorgasbord of breakfast delicacies prepared by Mother Doreen. Pastor’s kitchen table looked like a buffet at a restaurant. “Mother Doreen, I’m telling you, I know I’ve gained at least five pounds in the last couple of months since you’ve been here,” Pastor smiled before digging into the country potatoes with onions. “I’m going to have to do what Marie Osmond did and join that weight loss program.”

  “Then don’t plan on losing any weight for another month or so,” Mother Doreen warned her pastor, “because that’s about how much longer you’re going to be stuck with me. My tenant still has about that much more time left at my house.”

  With Mother Doreen returning back to Malvonia on a whim, she hadn’t been able to give the tenant she was renting her house out to any type of notice. This thought had never even crossed her mind until she was halfway home. So instead of pulling up to the home she’d left over a year ago, she pulled up to the only other place she knew: the church, New Day Temple of Faith.

  Pastor, who had just finished up a counseling session with a married couple, was overjoyed to see Mother Doreen. And once Mother Doreen shared her dilemma of her house being occupied, it was Pastor’s idea that the two temporarily become housemates until Mother Doreen was able to give her tenant enough notice to vacate.

  At first Mother Doreen was a little hesitant. Not only didn’t she want to invade Pastor’s space, but she couldn’t help but wonder what people would think. Not many pastors actually invited members of their congregation to stay with them if they needed a place to live. Sure, they’d put them up at a hotel or something, or even find another church member who had available space or housing, but to find a pastor who would actually open their own home—now that was rare.

  This shouldn’t have surprised Mother Doreen though. Their pastor was rare. One of a kind. One in a million, making Mother Doreen that much happier about her decision to return to Ohio.

  “Does your tenant have a place to go?” Pastor asked before taking a sip of freshly squeezed orange juice.

  “As a matter of fact, she does,” Mother Doreen replied. She took a bite of toast, and then continued. “It just so happens that the job she was working at part-time had a full-time position become available in Houston. So she was going to have to turn in her notice to me to move anyway. The timing of everything was just confirmation in both our lives, I suppose.”

  Pastor stared at Mother Doreen for a minute.

  “What?” Mother Doreen asked upon noticing the look Pastor was giving her.

  Taking a break from the delicacies, Pastor put down the fork containing the speared potatoes. “Since you’ve been back, that’s all you’ve been searching for.”

  Mother Doreen sat with a puzzled look on her face.

  “Confirmation,” Pastor stated. “You’ve been seeking confirmation. Did God not give you confirmation before you left Kentucky?”

  Mother Doreen tried to keep that indignant look from spreading any further across her face. After all, this was her pastor sitting in front of her. But something about her pastor’s tone seemed to be questioning Mother Doreen’s level of obedience ... or disobedience, for that matter. “So what are you trying to say, Pastor? That it was my flesh that brought me back here, and not a word from God?”

  “Whoa, slow down.” Pastor’s hands were now raised. “I’m not trying to say anything. I was just asking.” Pastor continued eating. But after a few moments of silence, Pastor’s spirit was pushed to keep pressing Mother Doreen. “You know, in all my years of pastoring, I’ve found that usually when someone is constantly looking for confirmation, they tend to be walking in doubt. Are you doubtful about your decision to leave Kentucky? Did you have some type of unfinished business there?”

  Mother Doreen sighed, then dropped her fork. “I wouldn’t say that I’m doubtful. I mean, I know I did everything that I could for my sister and her family... .” Mother Doreen’s words trailed off as she thought for a minute. “There’s just a part of me that feels like my work is not completely done.”

  “Well, there’s nothing strange about that,” Pastor assured Mother Doreen. “You’re an earthen vessel created by God so that He can use you mightily. Your work is never going to be done.”

  “I know that,” Mother Doreen agreed. “I’m talking about my work on that particular assignment. Speaking of work, and finished works at that, I wanted to talk to you about the New Day Singles’ Ministry.”

  Pastor tried not to frown, but this day—this moment—was inevitable. It was only a matter of time before Mother Doreen would make mention of the now-defunct ministry. Bef
ore Mother Doreen could even pitch the idea of starting up the ministry again, Pastor’s feelings about the ministry were made known.

  “Mother Doreen, I know the Singles’ Ministry was a vision God placed in your heart,” Pastor started. “And I know both you and I were operating in obedience when I gave you the okay to create it. You began to run it as its leader, and you did a wonderful job. So don’t let the fact that the ministry didn’t live up to the vision make you feel as though you didn’t do something right. Sometimes the disobedience of others can delay or hinder a vision. When God says something will be, then it will be. He is not one to lie. So it’s just a matter of when we’ll bring forth the Singles’ Ministry. I’m just not sure it will be any time soon.”

  “I know things got a little off-kilter with the ministry,” Mother Doreen said, “but now that I’m back, I believe things will be different. I just feel as though I can get things back on track so that when it comes to the ministry, everything will be decent and in order. It was my vision and—”

  “Let me stop you right there,” Pastor said. “It was God’s vision. He just gave it to you to get it done.”

  “And I know I can get it done this time, Pastor,” Mother Doreen replied in almost a pleading manner.

  Pastor noticed what appeared to be a look of desperation on Mother Doreen’s face. Pastor couldn’t help but wonder if Mother Doreen realized just how transparent she was sitting there at the table. “Mother Doreen, and I hope you don’t mind me being honest with you, but right now my spirit tells me that although you have a true passion for the Singles’ Ministry, what you really want to do is have something to keep you occupied.”

  Mother Doreen felt cold busted. Shocked. Stunned. Not because of what her pastor was insinuating, but because it was true. When Mother Doreen left Kentucky, she knew deep down inside she was leaving behind some unfinished business. And it had nothing to do with her sister and her family. Perhaps if she started up some new business here in Ohio—at the church—that unfinished business would take care of itself.