The Sunday Only Christian: Still Divas Series Book Three Read online

  “Does it matter who told me? The fact of the matter is that I know and I’m okay with it.”

  Deborah turned slowly and looked to Lynox. “Are you really? You don’t think any differently of me? You don’t think I’m some monster? Because that’s exactly what I felt like.” Deborah, by burying her face in her hand, tried to hide the shame that was creeping up on her. “I mean, what kind of woman denies her baby . . .” Deborah got choked up, but then got herself together and finished the sentence. “Life? That’s basically what I did.”

  “No, I don’t think you are a monster. Having an abortion had to be hard enough.”

  “What? Abortion?” Deborah hadn’t thought about the late-term abortion she’d had almost seven years ago. That was until Lynox just mentioned it. At first, when he told her that he knew what was going on with her—why she was so distant—instinctively she thought he’d found out she’d given birth to a child, but instead he’d learned that she’d taken the life of a child.

  “In all the times we’ve been talking and telling each other about ourselves, I could tell you were trying to find just the right time to tell me about it. But is there really a right time to tell someone something like that? I have to admit that at first I felt a certain kind of way about it. But, sweetheart, that’s your past. And like I said before, I’m not going to let anyone or anything from the past keep us from a future together.”

  Although Lynox had spoken with such compassion and sincerity, the entire time Deborah had just been sitting there seething with one thing on her mind. “Who told you? I still want to know how you found out.”

  And now, as she sat there in his car, those were still the only questions at the forefront of her thoughts. Still looking straight ahead, and almost robotic, Deborah asked, “Lynox, who told you about my abortion?”

  “Does it matter who told me? What matters is that it’s out in the open. So now when you’re with me, you can be open and free. There’s no black bubble hovering over us anymore. It’s been burst.” In an attempt to lighten the mood, Lynox took his index finger and poked the air as if he were bursting a bubble. He smiled at Deborah, but she was still stone faced forward.

  “It matters to me,” Deborah replied.

  “Well, it shouldn’t.” Now Lynox was getting a little upset. That was evident by the tone of his voice. “What should matter is that I’m okay with it and we can move on in this relationship.”

  With a quick snap of her neck, she was now facing Lynox. “Oh yeah? And who made you God? Since when did you need to be all right with the sins of my past in order for me to be able to live free? Huh?”

  Lynox was caught off guard by Deborah’s tone with him. He knew she was a strong, independent, headstrong woman, but her tone was on the verge of complete nastiness. “I apologize. That’s not what I was trying to insinuate.” Lynox was the one who now turned his face from Deborah and looked straight on.

  Instantaneously Deborah realized her ugly side had seeped out. That was a side of her she hoped Lynox never would see. That was a side of her she tried not to let anyone see—at least the people who knew her well.

  Now when it came to the clerk at the grocery store who had an attitude of her own, or the person who took her order at the fast food restaurant and got the order wrong, or the customer service rep she was on the phone complaining to, she didn’t mind if they saw that side of her. But she never wanted her church friends or the people she worked with to know she was even capable of being so callous. But most importantly, she never wanted Lynox to see that side of her. So she quickly toned it down.

  “I’m sorry, Lynox. I didn’t mean to snap off on you like that. It’s just that you have no idea how long it took me to get delivered from the shame and guilt of that abortion. And to just hear you talk about it . . . it brought up bad memories. That’s all.” Deborah turned her head away like a wounded puppy and looked out the passenger-side window.

  “It’s okay.” Lynox accepted her apology. “I can only imagine what you’re going through. And maybe I should have just waited and let you tell me. It’s just that I could see something was eating at you, and I figured this was it.”

  Deborah remained silent. Lynox paused for a moment and then said, “Was I right?” He sounded a tad doubtful.

  Now facing him, Deborah asked, “What do you mean were you right?”

  “Was that what was bothering you, or is there something else?”

  Deborah swallowed and began looking out of the window again. Her mind was racing 1,000 miles per hour and so were the beats of her heart. God was opening a window for her to climb through and tell Lynox the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The question was, would she crawl through it . . . or close it?

  Chapter Fourteen

  It was Easter Sunday. Deborah loved Easter Sunday, not only because that was the day Christians celebrated the resurrection of Jesus Christ, but it was also when all the youth got to open service with prayer and song. She loved watching her little guy stand at attention among all the other children in the church and sing about how Jesus loved him. But what really did it for Deborah was the play the young adults and children put on every Easter.

  Deborah entered New Day and headed straight for children’s church to sign her son in.

  “Praise the Lord!” Sister Helen, who was the children’s church leader, greeted her. She and all of her size-fourteen curves made their way over to Deborah for a sisterly church hug. Her brown skin and round cheeks were just a-glowing like she had a halo over her head reflecting light on her face.

  “He’s worthy,” Deborah replied, leaning in and hugging Helen.

  About three years ago, when Sister Helen first started attending New Day, one would have never imagined the two women could ever be so cordial to one another. After all, Helen had done nothing but taunt Deborah by holding Deborah’s secret over her head. Helen had been the stranger in the abortion clinic who placed her hand on Deborah’s pregnant stomach and felt the baby kick inside. She then watched Deborah walk into a room, and when she came back out, she wasn’t pregnant anymore.

  The fact that Helen was there to get an abortion too didn’t matter to her. At least she wasn’t terminating a baby that, with the help of medical technology, could possibly live had it been born the day of the abortion. What Deborah was doing was far worse than what she was doing was how Helen saw it. That line of thinking was what made Helen feel better about having her own abortion. And four years later when she encountered Deborah again in the New Day sanctuary and was reminded of the sin of her past, she used that same line of thinking. Every time Helen saw Deborah she said something slick to make Deborah feel awful, guilty, and shameful. Deborah would fold up into a shell, not even putting up a fight—afraid that if she said the wrong thing to Helen or even looked at Helen wrong, her past secret would be exposed.

  But to God be the glory that Deborah was able to come up out from under that stronghold that had her mind twisted. To God be the glory that Deborah was able to break the shackles and chains that had her caught up in bondage. And to God be the glory that she was able to seek and receive forgiveness from both God and herself.

  Once Deborah was delivered, healed, and set free from all the heavy weight of the abortion, she found the holy boldness to finally stand up to Helen. She somehow managed to remain Christ-like in their confrontation, and lo and behold, God had touched Helen’s heart to receive Deborah’s words.

  Deborah learned that day that sometimes when a person sets other people free, they can end up getting set free as well in the process. So not only was Deborah free to walk around church without fear of her past being exposed unless she was ready to expose it through testimony, but she was also able to date Lynox freely: the man who Helen had taken an interest in first.

  And dating Lynox was just what Deborah was doing, considering that she still hadn’t told him the truth about her son and broken things off with him.

  “Bye-bye, Mommy,” Deborah’s son said, waving,
then heading off to join a couple of other toddlers who were playing with blocks.

  “Bye, son. Be good,” Deborah told him before signing him in and then moving out of the way for the next parent.

  Making her way into the sanctuary, Deborah was in awe. The decoration committee had done a superb job. There was white sheer draped from corner to corner. Lifelike doves and olive tree branches were hung about. In the middle of the altar was a huge cross with a crown of thorns where Jesus’ head would have been. There were nails eight inches long driven into the cross where Jesus’ wrists and feet had been nailed to the cross. Just the thought of what Jesus had gone through on that cross brought shouts about the sanctuary.

  “Thank you, Jesus!” Deborah cried out before she had even made it to her seat. “You’re worthy. Worthy is the blood of the lamb.”

  “Yes, God,” others mumbled as pretty much everyone in the sanctuary was moved by the atmosphere.

  Because of the high emotions of the saints, church was running fifteen minutes behind schedule—man’s schedule, that is. Because as far as the order and direction of the Holy Ghost, everything was right on time.

  Eventually, the children were introduced as, one by one, a different youth mounted the pulpit in order to fulfill their assignment. First a teenage boy opened up in a mighty prayer. Second, a young lady read scripture. Next, twin sisters welcomed first-time visitors, then after that the youth choir sang two song selections and all of the young people from the dance ministry ministered in dance.

  God could certainly use children to deliver His message and His Word, because New Day Temple of Faith was having an awesome time in the Lord, with children leading the way.

  “And now,” Sister Helen started as she took the stage, “we introduce you to the children of New Day Temple of Faith in their reenactment of the life, death, and resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

  There was thunderous applause for the ministry that the saints felt in their spirits the children were about to bring forth. And the youth brought it all right. They did a phenomenal job. They had the adults on the edge of their seats as if they were learning of the Bible story for the first time. The youth closed out with a young man and girl sharing a monologue, telling the saints how much Jesus loved them. And they all exited singing “Yes, Jesus Loves Me,” Deborah’s son included.

  “That’s my baby boy,” Deborah cried as she stood and clapped.

  While being carried away in Helen’s arms, her son spotted her and began waving and shouting, “Mommy!” Members who noticed the exchange laughed.

  Helen shifted the young boy higher on her hip and smiled while she held a little girl’s hand.

  Deborah just shook her head. God was an awesome God. Helen had been a thorn in Deborah’s side, her nemesis and her worst enemy. The two had shared the horrific experience of getting abortions together. Now they shared the admiration for the second chance God had blessed Deborah with: her son.

  Helen had taken to Deborah’s son as if he were her own. At first Deborah thought Helen was being phony, or maybe trying too hard to mend things between them. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for Helen to try extra hard to redeem herself through Deborah’s eyes by acting too nice and not really meaning it. People did it all the time. But Deborah just felt genuineness about Helen. And her son loved her to death. All he ever talked about after church was how Miss Helen this and how Miss Helen that.

  As Deborah sat back down, she smiled at the turn of circumstances. But no sooner had Pastor approached the pulpit to give the Word, than Deborah’s smile had turned upside down. She immediately lifted her head up and looked toward where Helen had exited the sanctuary with her son. What if...

  Deborah’s mind began to run so rampant with what ifs that she actually broke a sweat. What if Helen had been faking all this time? What if Helen had been playing her all this time? What if instead of her cordialness being genuine, Helen had been doing nothing more than the old adage of keeping her enemies closer? What if all this time she still had ill feelings for Deborah? Still wanted Lynox and . . .

  And told him about the abortion? Deborah thought. She shook her head and snapped her fingers. That was it! That’s how Lynox found out about the abortion. Somehow Helen had found out that Lynox and Deborah were kicking it again, Deborah presumed, and then jealousy rose up. She’s probably been following me, Deborah thought. Wouldn’t put it past her. She’s just crazy enough.

  All types of scenarios ran through Deborah’s mind. And the more over-the-top her thoughts, the hotter her head got. All this time Deborah had thought Helen had changed, but in all actuality, she’d just been sitting in the cut waiting for the kill—waiting to strike on an unsuspecting Deborah.

  Deborah made a mental note that just as soon as service was over, she was going to go pull Helen to the side and tell her about herself. But the longer church service went on, Deborah lost her patience. Before she knew it, she’d gotten up and exited the sanctuary, making a beeline straight for children’s church. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. It didn’t matter what day of the week it was—nothing Deborah was about to do or say would make one think she was a Christian. It was about to be on and poppin’!

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Sister Deborah, is service over already?” Helen said once she looked up and saw Deborah entering the classroom.

  “You can cut out all the phony talk with your words laced with syrup. I’m on to you, sista.” Deborah pointed as she strutted toward Helen.

  Helen was taken aback. She and Deborah had been pretty cool, gotten over all their hurdles, so she had no idea what could have brought on Deborah’s attitude. Just a while ago, when Deborah had checked her son into children’s church, she had been sweet as cotton candy. Now she was as sour as a box of Lemonhead candies. “Pardon me?”

  “You heard me. The jig is up,” Deborah snapped. “You have been acting like everything was kosher all this time, when all along you’ve still had it out for me. For once, you see me about to be happy again and you think of what could have been.” Deborah walked up close to Helen, pointing an accusing finger. “You want my life, don’t you? You wanna be me, huh? But you can’t be me, so that’s why you mad at me.”

  “Do you know what you sound like up in here?” Helen calmly asked Deborah. “Lil’ Kim, that’s who.”

  There was a chuckle coming from the corner of the room. It was the children’s church assistant, Unique. Both Deborah and Helen shot Unique a cutting look.

  “What?” Unique asked, raising her hands in confusion. “That mess was funny and you know it, Helen.”

  With her attention back on Helen, Deborah said, “There is nothing funny about someone trying to sabotage your life.”

  “Look, I have no idea what you are talking about, but trust me, I think you’ve got the wrong one.” Helen went to walk away, but was stopped when she felt a pull on her shoulder.

  Everything in Deborah knew she should have just let Helen walk away and kept it moving herself. Gone and prayed about it. Taken it to the altar or something. The Holy Spirit even tried to warn her by bringing a scripture—Psalm 37:8, Amplified Bible—to the front of Deborah’s mind:

  Cease from anger and forsake wrath; fret not yourself—it tends only to evildoing.

  Deborah quickly buried it deep down in the back of her mind and proceeded without caution.

  “Don’t try to run away from the situation and act stupid,” Deborah said, her hand still on Helen’s shoulder. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” She dropped her hand to her hip. “You just couldn’t stand to see me with him, could you?” Deborah seethed through her gritted teeth. “After all this time, you still want him, don’t you? Well forget about it, because he’s mine!”

  Deborah’s voice had risen by several decibels since entering the room. The children appeared to start getting a little fearful.

  “Look, if there’s something you need to say to me, then we can get together and t
alk later.” Once again, Helen tried to walk away. Once again she felt a pull holding her back. And yet again, she found Deborah’s hand on her shoulder.

  Although Helen had been maintaining her composure, even Unique could tell she was about to snap.

  “Check this out,” Unique interrupted, making her way in between Deborah and Helen. “I don’t know what the beef is about, and I don’t care. What I do care about is two grown women ’bout to set it off in a room full of kids. This ain’t Dance Moms or Basketball Wives reality shows.”

  Deborah looked around the room and for the first time realized that every child in the room had been watching her.

  Unique continued. “Ain’t it bad enough y’all clownin’ in God’s house? Let alone in front of God’s children.” Unique rolled her eyes and walked away mumbling the words, “And you call yourself a Christian.”

  Feeling slightly embarrassed that she’d been acting this way in front of the children, Deborah slowly slid her hand off of Helen’s shoulder. She was not about to back down though. “I don’t have the time to be meeting up with you like we’re old friends catching up. Can you just step outside the room and talk to me for a minute?”

  Helen thought for a minute while she stared at Deborah. She then looked around the room. Whatever was on Deborah’s mind was heavy. It was obvious she was not about to let it go. Helen would have preferred to talk about it some other time, and not on church premises, but she had a feeling Deborah was not about to let it go until she got it off her chest. And since Helen didn’t want the kids to witness any more drama, she agreed to take the conversation outside of the classroom—for the sake of the children.

  “Sure.” Helen brushed past Deborah, leading the way outside of the classroom. Once she was to the door, Helen moved to the side and allowed Deborah to exit before closing the classroom door. Just as soon as she turned around, Deborah was all up in her face.

  “You told him, didn’t you?” Deborah dived right in with the questioning. “You thought if you told him, he’d be so disgusted with me that he would never want to be bothered with me again. That way he’d be all yours.”